Words Have Concequences

[Alex]

Reader's Note: This is an SVU fanfiction. I was bored and not in a very good mood so, this is what came out of that one.

Rating: PG-13 +

Summary Over the years, Assistant D.A Alex Cabot has said things that she regretted, many of them smart allic half of them insulting but when her emotions get the better of her this time, she makes an ultimate mistake she cannot come back from.

[Alex]

Alexandra lay quietly on the driver's seat of her car, scribbling with a passion. She should've made note of this yesturday but with one thing and another, she hadn't had time. As she finally stopped writing, her hands were about to fall off, she sighed as she jumped out of her car and ran like a mad woman. Up the courthosue steps, not really caring who saw her at this point. She ran until she had to catch her breath. She stood on the landing of the first floor staircase, she leaned against the door to just close her eyes for a moment.

"Alex, are you all right?"

Alex jumped about a foot in the air and looked up to find Elizabeth, her friend, boss, and now judge.

"Fine, fine" she choked as she tried to force her heartrate to come back to normal. After a minute, she managed.

"I'm so, so, sorry I'm late" she told the older woman as she looked at her.

Elizabeth glanced at her watch before looking at Alex, had she lost her watch or her head it was hard to tell. "Alex....you're not due in court for another two hours, I was wondering why you were running"

Alex looked up in shock, she had mistaken the time. "oh shit!" she yelled.

Elizabeth put a restraining hand on her, she didn't think it was a big deal and Alex needed to calm down.

"Relax, come in my chambers, we'll talk if you need to"

"But...that's ex-parte"

"Alex, are you really okay. Haven't you remembered I'm not your judge for this trial?"

Elizabeth was really beginning to be worried for her as she shook her head. She waited till Alex took the lead and followed her up the stairs and into her courtroom and than they walked to the front and slipped into the small ddoor that would lead to her chambers.

Alex had already slumped down in one of the chairs, she looked a mess.

"Alex, this is just my opinion, take it for what it's worth but I think you should not be in court today...in fact I think you should take the rest of the week off, you're a little off"

Alex shook her head. "I'm on cross today...I can't just ask for an extensin this is far from college or law school"

Liz nodded. "True, but you're no good to anyone when you're not thinking properly and judging by how you are acting this morning, you're not thinking straight"

Alex shook her head empathically. "I'm fine, I swear" she said as she looked at her. "I just need coffee, to wake up before I go on cross"

Elizabeth nodded still not believing and she had every reason to not believe her. Ever since coming back from the Congo, she had been working herself to death. Nevertheless, knowing that she would not be able to convince Alex to take the day off, all she could do was make coffee, hoping that would wake her.



Two hours later Alex was on cross. This case was turning out to be a difficult one. It was all he said she said, only more complicated because there were more people involved plus more than half the people she had to cross examin were children. She hated doing it to kids but it was her job, she was to speak for the victim and she knew that she had to be tough.

"So, Sophia when you saw your step-mother put soap in your sister's mouth, what did you do?"

"I...tried to tell her no"

"and your her reaction was..."

"She told me to go to my room and told me to start on my homework"

"and you were willing to leave your six year old sister, with your step mother whom you have only known for seven months?

"She told me to go to my room, I didn't want a fight"

"but it was okay to just leave your sister while she might have been dying by that soapy water, let me bring it to your attention in case your school or parents have not, soapy water is not supposed to be ingested"

"objection, she's badgering and she's telling"

"Ms. Cabot, I'm not going to say it again, watch your boundaries"

But unfortunately, Alex kept going down that path.

"Sophia, your little sister was crying for you not to go anywhere and you just left her there...maybe had you stayed your sister might be still with us"

"All right that's quite enough...we're taking recess for an hour lunch break...Ms. Cabot in my office right now"

The judge presiding over this case was Judge Preston. She didn't like Alex when she went this far espeically when Alex had been warned not to go this far. She glared at Alex from her chair.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get the truth your honor"

"and your method of doing that is badgering a thirteen year old girl till she cries?"

"I wanted the full story"

"Ms. Cabot if something happens to this girl because of your direct words or actions I will hold you personally responsible do you hear me?"

Alex sighed she knew she had crossed the line and nodded.

It was quarter to one when Alex was coming out of the conference room that she had been in. She wanted to go to the bathroom and just wash her face, get her head together. Unfortunately, she never made it there. She saw a big commotion not that far away she saw Dr. Warner, Elliot and Olivia. She jogged up to them.

"What the hell happened?" she asked.

Olivia looked upset as she gave Alex a note.

Alex read the note it was very hard to read, it was in cursive writing in red ink but she read it aloud enough for Liv to hear.


MsCabot
I'm sorry I didnt do anything
its my fault you are right
I should have never left her alone
I'm sorry
at least now I'll have some peace
Sophia

P.S-Tell my dad I'm sorry

Alex slowly looked up from the note. Sophia lay on the ground with a knife clutched in her left hand she had stabbed herself in the chest.

"This isn't your fault Alex" came Melinda's voice as she gently pulled Alex away from the bloody scene. Alex shook her head as tears spilled out of her eyes. "I'm so, so, sorry....oh God what have I done?"